Relationships

       I enjoy the support of several wonderful and important relationships; first my husband, and my mother, then several friends who are mothers going through the same general things as I am. My husband Dan is my first and foremost partner in life. Dan and I met in third grade when I moved to our now home-town. While we have various memories of childhood together, such as riding the same school bus, we were not really friends. In junior year, by chance, my small group of preppy girlfriends and I shared a long cafeteria table with a goth group of guys in a heavy metal band, Dan was among them. They were silent and withdrawn everywhere in school, except while having fun together at lunch. I was drawn to their silliness. I began spending time sitting between the two groups. Eventually, I stopped by band practice. Finally, one day (when we were sixteen) Dan got up the guts to start a conversation with me online, during which his little sister, posing as him, asked me to go out with him. I said yes, and now sixteen years later I am truly blessed to have him as a partner in life.

        Throughout the steps of becoming adults and finding who we are, we have grown together. We married nearly ten years ago, and enjoy raising our two wonderful children together. I feel strongly that it takes work to make any relationship last long term. He wants nothing but our happiness, and will seek ways to achieve that. Dan’s silliness still helps calm me or lighten the mood when the going gets tough. He is also very serious about providing for his family. When I say it takes work, I mean that we actively try to understand and support each other; we make time for each other as well. We engage in conversation about important things, life things, worldly things, silly things, child rearing things, work things, and so on. When we have a problem we talk about it, sometimes loudly, usually not. But we work through it, never letting trouble sit without a solution; never going to sleep or our separate ways without a loving goodbye. We spend most evenings together in comfortable companionship, watching TV, or him playing a game or watching sports, me working or grocery shopping online! We are both able to divide and share responsibilities, and be there for the kids. Every couple months we book a date together without the kids. Every few weeks we try to spend family time together doing something especially fun with the kids. Daddy also takes time to be with the kids himself, as I am home with them a lot. Daddy time may be the normal night of HW, dinner and bath while mommy works, or it may be a fun movie or doughnut date for the kids. We encourage the children to have a loving and considerate team relationship with each other as well. I believe Dan and I model a very healthy example of what a relationship should be for our children to see and learn from.

        My mother is one of my best friends, she definitely qualifies as a partner. She and I think a lot alike, and while I have enjoyed her company likely all of my life, I appreciate her company even more as an adult and a mother. While I tell my husband everything, he is not a talker, and I do not always like his problem solving perspective (even if he is almost always right!) I am very fortunate to be able to call my mom to talk through any problem; and she does the same. We support each other in business and school, and life’s little things. There is no reason for us to not share and help each other, as we are now both adults, often dealing with the same things. She is even in online college as well, so now we have that in common! My mother is an amazing woman, and I am grateful to have her support, honesty and love.

       My friends who are also mothers are an amazing source of support. I have formed friendly relationships with the mothers of my child care clients, and it makes business much more pleasant. I think that having those lines of communication open is very helpful. That said, my most special friendships are with a few wonderful ladies I have known for years. I am very grateful to have these women to turn to when I need help or guidance. I love that we are all just as busy, forgetful, considerate, helpful, and focused on our children at this time in our lives. We can touch base, and it is okay if it takes a couple hours or days to hear back. We can get together with the kids or just us moms. Maintaining these relationships takes effort too. One must be a considerate listener. This is a tough one because there is a difference in listening to understand and listening to respond. Most often people listen to respond, probably because we have a lot in common and want to connect to ourselves. However, sometimes just listening and being supportive is what a friend needs. My friends and I can go months without seeing each other and still grab a lunch date that turns into four hours of conversation. There is never shortage of topics to talk about with people you have this much in common with. And we will hound each other to take that mommy time because we all know we need it!

        These relationships provide me with the support to get through anything. As we are a home based child care, my relationships with my husband, mother, and friends are often exposed to the children in my care. I feel confident that we are presenting positive examples of relationships. I have positive relationships with my parent clients as well. I think the children are well aware that the lines of communication are open between all the adults (I text or talk with every parent multiple times per week if not per day.) Initially, when studying this topic I found myself wondering, was I supposed to befriend all of my child care clients? Is that professional? I am friendly, and supportive, I provide advice when needed or asked for. I even seek advice occasionally. I have not chosen to extend our friendships into activities that are not centered on our children. Thinking back however, I can see how I missed opportunities to establish better, and more child focused relationships with children and parents in my experiences as an elementary school teacher and a child care provider. While, I have touched on most of the bases, I can see room for improvement with included all of the Principles for Parent-Teacher Relationships as detailed in the piece Staying In Step within my practice (Raikes & Edwards, 2009). I feel I could do more to improve my relationship approach with the children in my care and their parents. Since reading about this approach I have already begun attempting to restructure my relationship with the children in my care, and I look forward to seeing positive results. I am also going to restart a forgotten practice of sharing a short daily report for parents to know about meals, potty time, and learning experiences each day. I look forward to having more child-focused conversation with my clients as well. Additionally, one point I especially appreciated was the authors clarifying that forming a partnership with parents does not necessarily mean forming a friendship (Raikes & Edwards, 2009). With that in mind, I feel as though I am doing well in this important area of relationship building.

References

Raikes, H. H., & Edwards, C. P. (2009). Staying In Step Supporting Relationships With Familes. Young Children, 50-55. Retrieved from: http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.ezp.waldenulibrary.org.